Insanity at Hogwarts
by Byakko Loki
Summary: Obito is a student at Akatsuki's Magical Academy for the Criminally Insane (publically known as "...for the Gifted") with Multiple Personality Disorder, or at least he WAS until SOMEONE decided to blow the place up as a prank. So, his Madara decides to send a letter to Dumbledore, and see if he can get his old friend to enroll Obito, and possibly Zetsu as 5th and 7th years.
1. Prologue: Dear Dumbledore-san

_ Dumbledore-san,_

_It's been a long time, Dumbledore-san. However, this letter is not meant for greetings. You see, an ex-student of mine is currently looking for a place to learn. As it so happens, his previous schools seems to have been blown up by one of the students as an end of the year prank. As a result, for the time being, all of the students will have to go to alternative schools—and this includes my own precious pupil._

_ Call me selfish, but I cannot deny I care more about my own student than do I others. Which is precisely why I am sending you this letter now, as one of my students is one of the many now without a school. If you are willing to consider my offer, his name is Obito Uchiha, and he is a very promising young student. I have no doubt, he is destined for great things. _

_ Be warned, however, he is not in the best of condition. The entire right side of his body is completely covered in scars, and not only is he missing his left eye, but his right arm is an artificial arm, which I created myself. And his physical scars aren't even the worst of his problems—as you can guess, his scars are most all connected to traumatic events. These traumatic events have resulted in his forming of multiple personalities—which could cause some trouble when it would come to sorting him._

_ He has three personalities that I know of: Obito, Tobi, and the Masked Man. Obito, as you can guess, is his main personality—his original one. Tobi, is childish and likes to joke around and have fun. The Masked Man is the one you should look out for. We don't really have a name for the Masked Man, but in public, we refer to him as "Guru Guru". (Obito came up with that.) The Masked Man, or Guru Guru, can be a bit of a wild card—you can never really predict his actions or how he might react._

_ If he ever comes out, you'll know, and even if you don't, his voice usually gets noticeably deeper, so that'll clue you in. But if he does, the best thing to do would probably be to just isolate him. But don't worry, Guru Guru hasn't reared his ugly head in years. I'd say you have nothing to worry about._

_ If you decide not to enroll him, I admit I'll understand, and I'll simply home school him—however, I really hope you do accept him. Thank you._

_ Sincerely,_

_ Your Friend,_

_ Madara Uchiha_

_ P.S. I almost forgot—two more things. He'll be going into his fifth year this coming fall, and, if possible, it'd be amazing if you could enroll my first pupil, as well. He also has multiple personalities (White-Zetsu, also known as Shiro—similar to a Ravenclaw, Black-Zetsu, also known as Kuro—like a Slytherin, and Spiral-Zetsu—nearly identical to Obito's "Tobi"), and Obito and he are closer than brothers, I'd say. Zetsu used to sit in on Obito's classes back at Akatsuki's Magic School for the Gifted, so it'd be wonderful if they could enroll together at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry. Once again, thank you, and I sincerely hope you make the right decision._


	2. Ch1: Arriving at King's Cross Station

**Insanity at Hogwarts**

**Chapter One:**

**Arriving at King's Cross Station**

* * *

Obito frowned, pointing his wand made of twisted Sprucewood at the right side of his face, and muttered a quick spell. He watched his reflection in the mirror as his scarred skin slowly smoothed over. Gently, he lifted his hand to the side of his face and felt the skin there.

Tobi blinked. "Wow, Obi-chan! Practice really does make perfect!"

Obito nodded to himself, "You'd never guess that half our body is covered in scar tissue."

"Psh, don't be such a spoil sport!" Tobi said, caressing and feeling his face as Obito carefully checked over for any imperfections.

Deciding he was bored of his poking and prodding, Tobi turned and skipped back to his bedroom. "Let's play a game, Obi-chan!"

Obito sighed, "Tobi, we can't. We have to finish packing and getting ready."

Tobi pouted, "Do we _have_ to?" He groaned.

"Yes, we _have_ to."

Tobi sighed in disappointment as he trudged the rest of the way to the room. Stopping by the bed, Obito checked over his list to make sure he had everything he needed.

"All that's left is: our wands, our eyepatch, and Chibi Senpai. Everything else is already packed." Glancing at a mirror to his left, Obito asked, "Tobi, where'd you leave your wand?"

"It's in the flower pot."

Obito paused. "...why?"

Tobi shrugged, "I dunno."

"Wait...we don't have a flower pot."

"Zetsu does."

Obito groaned, "Tobi..."

"Well, let's go! You did say we had to hurry, right?"

He sighed, "Right. But while we're still here, we should get our eyepatch and look around for Chibi Senpai a bit."

"Okay!"

It didn't take long to locate the eyepatch on the dresser and put it on, but Little Senpai, however, was nowhere to be found - at least in their room. "Maybe Zetsu or Sensei have it?"

"May~be..."

Tobi skipped his way out of his room and over to Zetsu's, next door. "Shiro! Kuro! Spiral! Do you have Tobi's wand? It's twisty and it's an auburn-y color!"

The door opened to reveal Zetsu with an unimpressed look. It was strange to see him without his beloved face paint, but nothing they hadn't seen before. "We know what your wand looks like, Tobi," Shiro said.

Tobi merely smiled in response, "Well, do you have it?"

Zetsu stared at Tobi for a moment, before they sighed, reaching behind them into their back pocket and retrieving a twisted wand made of redwood with a smooth black handle. "May we ask why on Earth it was in one of our flower pots?"

"Nope!" Grinning happily, Tobi took it and tucked it away safely into an empty pocket. "Say, have you seen Chibi Senpai?"

Raising a brow at Tobi's blatant disregard to answering their question before asking one of his own, they sighed again before giving in, frowning thoughtfully as they massaged their temples. "I think Sensei has it - **he does** \- _apparently_, he does."

Tobi nodded, "And are you taking Shiroibara-san?"

"Yes, we are."

"Yay!" exclaimed Tobi, Obito finishing for him, "Did you test it, yet?"

"**Sensei is running a last minute test on Chibi Senpai and Shiroibara-san.**"

"Good." He nodded once, before turning to head back into his room to finish getting ready, "Thanks, Aniki!"

"No problem, gaki."

"What's left?" Tobi asked, once Obito had closed the door behind him.

"Pack Guru-Guru's wand, and finish getting ready," he replied, walking over to the bed where the suitcase lie, "What do you wanna wear?"

"Hmm," Tobi hummed thoughtfully, tapping his chin, "How about...black skinny jeans, the sneakers with the zippers, the t-shirt with the fan on it, and...a cloak."

Obito nodded in approval, "Sounds alright to me." He carefully sorted through the suitcase for the requested items, along with a pair of socks, and switched them out with what he was currently wearing. In under five minutes, he was dressed and about ready to go.

"Don't forget Guru's wand," Tobi reminded him.

"Don't worry, I got it," he assured. Opening his bottom drawer, he pulled out a slim, blood red box, fastened closed via some thin but strong black and white rope. He carefully placed a few spells on it - protection spells, some curses and jinxes - before tucking it in at the bottom of his suitcase, which he then proceeded to defend as well - better safe than sorry.

"Okay, _now_ we're ready. Let's go check on Sensei."

* * *

**~ AKAtsuki'S MAgiC SCHoOL foR THe CRIminALLY INsaNE ~**

* * *

They ran into Zetsu into the hallway, and so they all ended up going to see Madara together. When they soon found him in the living room, he was fast asleep in an armchair, with a clay bird resting on his shoulder and a small potted plant - a white rose, in fact - cradled in his arms.

"Chibi Senpai!"

Tobi's shout was so loud and sudden, that it startled Madara awake, and he quickly sat up, placing the potted plant gently onto the side table.

"Gaki," he said, "Are we all packed?"

"Hai, Sensei," they chorused.

"Good, good. Excellent. Ah - " he started, " - I tested the Kamikaze's little bird here and the White Rose - they're both in fine working condition. You should be able to contact each other, or any of the other Akatsuki, whenever you wish."

"Yay!" Tobi cheered, "Come here, Chibi Senpai!" The charmed clay figure immediately flew over in response to his call, and landed neatly on his shoulder.

"You really should thank the Kamikaze for making that for you," Madara noted.

"Don't worry, Tobi did!" He grinned widely at Madara while absentmindedly stroking the clay bird, "Tobi's a good boy!"

"**Yes, Tobi, you are**," Zetsu snorted, "We should probably get going."

Madara quickly checked the time, "You're right." He made a shooing motion with his hands, "Well, what are you waiting for? Hurry up and go get your stuff. I'll wait for you guys by the bathroom - and don't forget to cast a shrinking charm on your suitcases!"

* * *

**~ AKAtsuki'S MAgiC SCHoOL foR THe CRIminALLY INsaNE ~**

* * *

Once Obito and Zetsu had each retrieved and shrunken their things, they met Madara outside the bathroom, and then proceeded to gather inside.

"Okay, ready?" he asked.

It was only then that Obito took notice of Madara's choice of clothing. He was dressed in a black suit with a red dress shirt and a black tie, a cloak on top, with black dress shoes. Obito himself was wearing the outfit Tobi has chosen for him. And as for Zetsu...Zetsu was wearing a white hoodie along with white skinny jeans, and a black top. He was wearing one black sneaker and one white, as well as one white earring and one black. This pattern was also applied to his nails, in which one had black nails and the other had white. Painting their nails - it was a..._strange_ habit, that they had both picked up from their Sensei, Madara. Except, unlike Zetsu, Obito and Madara both painted all their nails black. Just plain black.

Another thing Obito noticed, was that Zetsu had his cloak folded and tossed over his shoulder, rather than wearing it. '_Smart_,' he thought. Following Zetsu's example, Obito copied him, and then motioned for Madara to do the same - he did. They didn't need their cloaks making them stick out more than they already did - what with Zetsu's green hair and yellow eyes, Madara's long spiky black hair and dual red eyes, along with Obito's eyepatch and lone red eye. Oh, and let's not forget the clay bird nestled to Obito's chest and the potted White Rose held tight in Shiro's hand. They stuck out enough already.

"Ready!" shouted Tobi, while Zetsu nodded in agreement.

Closing the door behind them, Madara took out his own long and sharp wand, with an hour-glass handle, and tapped it three times on the doorknob in quick succession.

"King's Cross Station - Men's Room."

When he opened the door again, it was to a bustling crowd and a rush of cold, humid air.

"Welcome to London, gaki."

Together, one-by-one, they exited the restroom to join the mob of British peoples.

"Where are we going?" Obito asked, glancing around warily.

"We're supposed to head over to Platform 9," answered Madara, distracted as he scanned the crowd around them, "We'll be meeting someone there."

Curious, Zetsu and Obito both turned to face their Sensei, "Who?"

"I don't know, actually," he answered, a little awkwardly, "Just some people from the Order, I was told."

Zetsu frowned at him, "**If you don't even know who it is that we're looking for, then how the hell are we supposed to find them?**"

"Well," he attempted to explain, "I was just told that I was to look around for either a redheaded male, a redheaded female, a - w-well, besides - Dumbledore-san told them about us, too, so they should be looking around for us, as well."

Zetsu snorted, "**Well, here's hoping that he gave them a description at least a little less vague than ours.**"

"Here's hoping," Obito agreed, while Madara merely sighed in exasperation - "_Teenagers_."

* * *

**~ AKAtsuki'S MAgiC SCHoOL foR THe CRIminALLY INsaNE ~**

* * *

_**End of Chapter One. **_

_**(Rough) Translations:**_

_**\- **__**Senpai: Upperclassman **_

_**\- Gaki: Kid**_

_**\- **__**Aniki: Big Brother (**__**Slang, often used by yakuza, delinquents, etcetera.**__**)**_

_**\- **__**Shiroibara: White Rose**_

_**\- **__**Sensei: Teacher**_

_**I think that's it. **_

_**Ja ne!**_


	3. Ch2: Informing the Order

**Insanity at Hogwarts**

**Chapter Two:**

**Informing the Order**

* * *

Dinner was being served at the Black family estate, when Dumbledore arrived with news. The group was surprised at first, but Molly quickly set up an extra plate and got him situated. "What a surprise!" She remarked, cheerfully. "It's great to have you, as always."

"It's my pleasure, as always, Molly." Dumbledore smiled pleasantly at her, a twinkle in his eyes as always, "However, this is not just a social visit," he said, "I come with news."

"Is it to do with the Order," Sirius asked, leaning forward. The children were immediately interested after that, and Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Fred, and George all turned to watch Dumbledore, along with the Order members sitting at the table.

"A bit, I suppose, but not really. You see," he began, "Now, how do I explain this? In America, there is a Japanese-American Wizarding School called Akatsuki's Magical Academy for the Gifted. It exists in joint partnership with a number of other schools there, including: Konoha Academy of Magic, Suna School for Sorcery, the Magical Institute of Iwa, Kumo Academy for the Spiritually Gifted, KIri's Correspondance School for Magical Purposes, and so on and so forth."

"Where are you going with this," Mr. Weasley - Arthur - asked, confused. The others nodded in agreement. What did a bunch of Wizarding Schools in America have to do with anything?

"I'm getting to that," he eased, and gently explained to them, "You see, there was an accident at AMA."

"An accident?" Molly exclaimed, alarmed. "What kind of accident? Are the students alright?"

For a while, everyone spoke over each other, each expressing their own worry and upset over hearing that there was an accident at the school, and why was Dumbledore telling them this? Did something really bad happen? Had it somehow affected them? Was it - was it..._Voldemort_?

"Calm down," he hushed, "No one was hurt - not too badly, at least. There were no casualties. However..."

"However?" They echoed anxiously.

"_However_, there was serious damage to the school. For the time being, it has been closed down for repairs."

"It was closed down?" Lupin asked, confused. "You said there was an accident - what kind of accident? You say it was bad enough to close down the school?"

"Yes, well," Dumbledore continued, not in the least bit deterred, "It would seem one of the students there blew up the school as what's been called, an End-of-the-Year Prank."

"They blew up the school?!" Ron shouted, before flushing at his outburst. Somehow the children had made an unofficial agreement not to speak while Dumbledore was explaining, probably in fear that they'd be thrown out of the room if they reminded the adults that they were still there. "B-but, why...? How?"

"I'm not sure," he smiled, "I didn't ask. But, getting to the point - as a result of the school closing down, all the students previously attending there have nowhere to go. The majority of them, I believe, will be homeschooled, or will attend a temporary class, called Akatsuki's Temporary Institute of Magic (ATIM) at the joint school closest to them."

"But what does any of this have to do with..." Lupin asked, his shock having worn off. He was curious why Dumbledore was telling them about this. He already explained that the explosion and damage was caused by a misbehaving student, and it would seem all the students have a place to learn while reconstruction takes place, so...?

"Obito and Zetsu Uchiha," Dumbledore said, giving no explaination.

"Who...?"

"Their guardian is a friend of mine. You see, they used to attend AMA up until the accident, and their guardian sent me a letter asking if they could come attend Hogwarts for the time being."

"Did you say yes?" Arthur asked.

"Yes, of course. And in exchange, he has also agreed to do me a great favor - and just in time, too!"

"What kind of favor," inquired Sirius. "And what do you mean, just in time?"

Dumbledore smiled wide, setting down his cutlery to put his entire attention on those around him. "My good, long-time friend, Madara Uchiha, has agreed to come to Hogwarts to teach as the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher!"

"Oh, that's wonderful!" Molly exclaimed, "If he's an old friend of yours, I'm assuming he'll be great! What's he like?"

They noticed, with interest, that Dumbledore seemed to brighten at the opportunity to talk about this friend of his. "He's wonderful, really. I met him a long time ago while visiting Japan - he was the only person I could find that could speak English - I realize now, that perhaps going to Japan without actually learning Japanese was not the best idea. We ended up spending a lot of time together there, and he gave me the best tour of Japan possible. Later on, when I had to return, we kept in touch. We could never see each other often because of responsibilities, however now that AMA is temporarily closed down, he finally has a chance to come visit for a while."

"Now that the school's closed down?" Lupin asked, "Did he work there?"

"Why, yes!" Dumbledore proudly exclaimed, "In fact, he was the American equivalent of a Headmaster there!"

The majority of the table gasped, "Headmaster?! Why didn't you say so sooner?" Molly held her hand to her face in shock, "Why, a Headmaster teaching DADA! Imagine that!"

"Yes, well," Dumbledore paused to take a sip of his pumpkin juice, "I hadn't thought it relevant."

"Hadn't thought it relevant - " Sirius muttered, "And what does the Ministry have to say about this?"

"We'll see," Dumbledore winked, entirely too amused. "They'll be going with the children to Hogwarts. Someone will pick them up at the train station tomorrow, and they'll stay here until it's time to leave. Are you all alright with that?"

There was a murmur of consent as they all agreed to it.

"Excellent!" Looking positively giddy, Dumbledore continued to explain, "Now, there will be two students coming - one is going to be a Fifth Year, and the elder a Seventh Year. Their names are Obito and Zetsu Uchiha, respectively. Obito has short, black spiky hair, and a natural red eye. It runs in his family, as Madara - who, biologically, is actually Obito's great-uncle - also has it, but in both eyes. You'll also see that Obito wears an eyepatch, due to an incident in which he lost his eye. Zetsu, however, is not biologically related to either of them, but was born with natural green hair and yellow eyes. They shouldn't be that hard to spot."

He continued, ignoring the shocked faces of the house's occupants, "Madara, my friend, has long, black spiky hair. You'll also see that they tend to wear Muggle clothing, as it is the norm in America to better blend in with the general public."

He paused suddenly, becoming serious. "I must, however, warn you. The two of them both have something called, Dissosiative Identity Disorder. For any of you who don't recognize the name, it also used to be called Multiple Personality Disorder. Before you make any radical and incorrect assumptions, let me explain."

"It's like having more than one soul, but only one body. Think of it this way - say Harry and Ronald had an incident with a spell, and ended up having to share a body."

Harry and Ron both jumped at suddenly being addressed, but Dumbledore ignored them and instead plowed on, continuing his explanation, "So, since they only have one body between two people, they both take turns and share it. Now, Just because Harry and Ronald are sharing a body, that does not exactly make them insane, now does it? These boys are normal, and should be treated as such. They are not crazy. They are not insane. They're just...sharing. Don't any of you dare treat them badly because of it." Here he paused in his pseudo-speech to look around the table and take a moment to look at every single person there.

Once seemingly satisfied, he continued. "Obito and Zetsu each have three, but usually you only see two. You don't really have to worry about the other two. First, there is Obito and Tobi. Tobi is a bit more childish than Obito is, and has a habit of speaking in the third person. Don't be afraid to ask them whether they're Obito or Tobi - they completely understand."

"Then there's Shiro and Kuro - Zetsu's main personalities. Madara has compared Shiro to a Ravenclaw, and Kuro to a Slytherin. They tend to switch back and forth pretty often, and both consider themselves to be two halves of a whole. You don't have to bother calling them Shiro or Kuro - just call them Zetsu."

Dumbledore stopped, "Hmm...I think that's it," he said, tapping his chin in thought. "They should be arriving at King's Cross Station tomorrow. I told them to head to Platform 9 at 9:00 AM, that they'll be meeting a few Order members there to take them back to Headquarters."

"Now," he began, looking around the people gathered at the table, "Who would like to volunteer?"

* * *

**Chapter Two: End**

* * *

**_Who do you want to go? Tell me in a review!_**

**_Ja ne!_**


	4. Dumbledore's Letter

_Dear Madara,_

_I would love to have your boys at my school! Any friend of yours will always be welcome. The school term will start soon - until then, they can stay at the Headquarters for the Order. There are other children there, too - one fourth year, Ginny, three fifth years, Harry, Ronald, and Hermione, and two seventh years, Fred and George - twins. (I have an odd feeling they'll get along well with Zetsu.) _

_Also, I was wondering if I could bother you with a favor? The Ministry is on my back again, and if I don't find a teacher for Defense Against the Darks Arts soon, they'll send one of their own. I can't let the Ministry take over Hogwarts - but I haven't been able to find anyone. And seeing as your school is temporarily closed for reconstruction...would you care to teach at my school, Mada? I would love to catch up with you. I won't lie - I miss seeing you, old friend. It's been far too long. _

_If you can, go to King's Cross Station tomorrow, and I'll send some members of the Order to meet you by Platform Nine, at 9 o'clock AM. Nine at 9 - that's easy to remember, right? Look for a redhead or a brunette or - you know what? I'll just tell them what you all look like, how's that? You three can just wait by the sign for the platform. _

_I hope to see you soon, old friend. _

_Albus _


End file.
